Primer on Christianity for Anti-Christians

For those wanting to use Christianity as a weapon against Christians, a few tips to improve your chances of success, or of anyone listening to you at all.

First, forgiveness. It is not the Christian’s obligation to forgive your every sin. Forgiveness is first between you and God, not between you and me. Whether I forgive you is irrelevant. Take it up with God.

I probably do forgive. It doesn’t mean I put up with your BS. Forgiveness means you get to start over. So holding over my head, “She said she was sorry, Man,” doesn’t make me feel guilty, and it doesn’t make me listen.

Now, if you want to use forgiveness as a weapon against me, point out that the individual in question seems to be on a new path, and maybe we could give her the benefit of doubt. That will soften me. Remember, benefit of doubt, new path. Got it?

Next, God commands us to love. It is a great rule, no? Wowzers. I mean, what’s more powerful than love? Yet there’s something distinctly weird about using a command to love as a weapon. How do you taunt someone that if they were a real Christian, they would be more loving? I mean, taunting and loving don’t seem to fit in the same sentence. Besides, Christians are commanded to love God with all their heart and their neighbor as themselves. If you love God with all your heart, there’s no room for anger.

But I’ve looked all around it, and I can’t find where we’re to walk in a sewer to prove how loving we are. Loving God isn’t about appearing loving. It’s about being love. Hmm. Let’s try this a different way. I mean, you want to use this against me, so you can win arguments, right? Try this. If my heart is filled with God’s love, there’s no room for coldness, because the true opposite of love isn’t anger. The true opposite is uncaring. Remember, uncaring towards others will separate me from God? Okay?

Trust is the ultimate reflection of faith. So, you want to say I have to trust you. Yet, trust in God is such a completely different level than any human trust that it’s not even the same thing. The moment you use trust as a weapon, you prove you don’t get that, just in case there was any doubt. If you want to use trust in God as a weapon against a Christian (me, for example), point out that if the Christian is trusting God and walking with God in every step, then God put you next to me. He might have wanted me to hear you out, possibly. Or he might have wanted me to stare blankly while you rant, wondering why you’re so anti-Christian.

Are you anti-Christian, or are you afraid of God? Remember this. Forgiveness is for everyone, and it’s between you and God, not you and me. Love can fill your whole heart, so much that there’s no room for anger. Trusting God means, “Show me the next step, God.” It doesn’t mean gaining approval of other Christians. It means you and me, God. That’s all.

Hope you found this helpful. It should make arguments more interesting.

Recipe for Conflict: Paul, Women and Corinthians

I know you think you know where this is going, but unless you know me really well, you might not. It’s this thing about the apostle Paul. If there’s a controversy about what the Bible really says, it’s likely Paul is at the heart of it. So, I get up this morning, and there he is, standing in my head. So, I was like, “Hey, hi.” And he was like, “You got a problem with some of the things I wrote?” And I was like, “Yeah.” And he was all like, “Take a seat. Let’s chat.”

Soon, there I was with a cup of coffee, my computer and the apostle Paul.

Paul: Hit me. What bothers you? Not life in general. That’s not my thing. But my writing. My letters. How could you possibly find fault with them?

Me: It’s not me. It’s that passage about women. People keep throwing it in my face, like I’m supposed to be subservient.

Paul: When did I say women were subservient? Subservient to who?

Me: You know.

Paul: (no response)

Me: Men.

Paul: (Laughter, finally subsides.) Show me where I said that.

Me: Right here. Corinthians 11:2. You say women are below men. “The head of every man is Christ. The head of woman is man.”

Paul: If you’re going to be ignorant, don’t come whining to me.

Me: Who are you calling ignorant? You wrote it.

Paul: You read half of it and stop, and then you want to pick a fight. If you’re only going to read half of my letters, don’t bother at all. Look right here, two paragraphs later: “But among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women. Although the first woman came from man, every other man was born from a woman, and everything comes from God.” Among the Lord’s people. Are you among the Lord’s people?

Me: Oh, wow. So, who were you talking to up here? Why did you say women were subservient to men?

Paul: The Corinthians had a cartload of questions. They just didn’t get it. God loved them so much. The Holy Spirit came on them and blessed them with the pure essence of God’s love, and they let that slip away.

Me: So, they wanted to know how to live under God’s rule?

Paul: Something like that. They wanted to live like the Roman Jews. They wanted to know the hierarchy, the old Jewish Law. I gave it to them, because they were slipping, and something is better than nothing. But the truth is, when they were living in the Holy Spirit, they knew they all were servants of God. Period.

Me: Well, what about his, where you say, “The head of woman is man” (1 Corinthians 11:3).

Paul: (Raised his eyebrows.) And what about this? “For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born from a woman, and everything comes from God” (1 Corinthians 11:11-13).  

Me: Oh. You did say that. You were kind of conflicting, you know? No offense.

Paul: None taken. Here’s how it works. When you’re in the spirit of God, it all makes sense, because you all love God first. You act out of love. Women care for men out of love, but they serve as our Lord served, out of love. Men care for women better than they care for themselves, out of love. This whole all-about-me mentality flies out the window, for everyone.

Me: So…

Paul: If someone is trying to make you feel subservient, then they aren’t in the Spirit, and you are not subject to them. You’re subject to God. Sometimes, you’ll be led to do for those who can’t. Other times, you’ll leave it alone, because you do more harm by helping. Make sense?

Me: Yep. Been there.

Paul: Then trust me. God loves you. You are meant to be a strong, beautiful woman. And your husband is meant to be a strong, beautiful man. (Okay, he might not have said beautiful, but it does sound good, doesn’t it?)

Me: But if we’re both strong-willed, won’t that create conflict?

Paul: I didn’t say strong-willed. I said strong. Be strong in faith, even when it’s hard ---especially when it’s hard. Be strong in knowing the Lord’s law that lives in your heart. When you’re both doing that, then you’re both serving God. Then, there is no conflict. There’s only love.

Me: That was kind of cool. Maybe you should have written that.

Paul: Maybe you should read the whole letter instead of taking my words out of context.

Luckily, he winked at me when he said it. I hope he comes back tomorrow.

I know this sounds crazy, but if I’m going to have an imaginary friend, I’d rather it be someone like Paul than someone who beats me up for being imperfect. So much more pleasant.